God Denying Any Form Of Communication With Sun Ho
This past Friday, the Lord Almighty, Creator Of Heaven And Earth graciously availed himself for a press interview with local reporters, though in a visible fit of anger.
“Look, this has been going on for awhile, so I thought I'd help clear the air. I don't recall ever giving Sun Ho any instructions to help my humans go on any God-damned journey with me,” said God, propped against a levitating cloud, adding that he could "jolly well fucking remember it if he did".
Reverend Sun Ho, Singaporean co-founder of City Harvest Church was one of eight church members arrested in a largely publicised scandal involving misappropriation of church funds since 2012.
God went on to explain He had no idea what possessed Sun Ho to constantly claim that she was acting on behalf of God. "Why does she constantly claim everything she's done was in my name? Doesn't she know that she's sullying my good name?"
The Church's "Crossover Project" saw making use of Sun Ho's secular pop music career for evangelism purposes, as Sun Ho repeatedly claim its aim was to "spread the love of Jesus" and "seek the truth with God" to both Christians and non-Christians alike.
“Let's say for argument's sake that I did tell her to go forth in my name and spread my love. Do you think I would have also instructed her that the right way to spread my Holy word was by dancing half-naked and repeatedly going 'China Wine' in that terrible music video?"
"Look it up in my book people. I clearly stated, and I quote myself - that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control," as the Almighty quoted 1 Timothy 2:9 from His own book the Holy Bible written almost 3,500 years ago.
"My God, in what universe is that form of dressing considered respectable? It sure as hell isn't mine."
At press time, God was reportedly considering taking legal action against Sun Ho for defamation of His celestial reputation.
