Religious Singaporeans Signing Anti-Lambert Petition Found To Be Turning Gay

A petition started by religious Singaporeans to block American pop star Adam Lambert’s performance at the Countdown 2016 show seems to have lost its steam, as many of the petitioners have begun to realise that they themselves were actually gay.

One petitioner Calvin Lui said, “It was only after I put my signature down that I recalled my homosexual behaviour just last year during the Christian Youth Mission camp with Benjamin and Soon Teck.”

“It was an innocent game of tug-of-war until I realised my hands were grabbing Benjamin’s hips instead of the rope.”

The petition which asserts Lambert “displays a flagrant disregard for the sensitivities of his audience” has collected a total of 19,000 signatures, but have since slowly dwindled down to slightly more than 18,000 as more Christians come out of the closet and courageously withdraw their signatures from the petition.

However, some petitioners remain resolute in their decision to keep Lambert from performing at The Float @ Marina Bay in the name of preserving Singapore’s mainstream values and moral fibre.

Another petitioner Ronald Hoe, 22-year-old ‘cell’ group leader of Trinity Church, has pleaded to the Singaporean government not to issue Lambert a permit for the performance as it would be a “decadence on our society cultural ethics as a whole.”

“But if it was Taylor Swift instead, and she wants to dress in a skimpy outfit singing all manner of songs about hooking up and breaking up with her ex-boyfriends, that’s totally fine,” said Hoe, adding that as long as the artist can keep it heterosexual, they will have the consent of the Christian majority.

“We are very progressive, and above all reasonable,” said the forward-thinking youngster.

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